...good gifts!

As I've been praying about whether or not the Lord wants me to stay here in Jarabacoa for another year, I have had more peace about actually listening to what He has to say. What He wants me to do. I'm selfish and say, "well, I'll stay if so-and-so stays or if such-and-such changes." But I'm challenged to see if those statements are really honoring to God? Why am I putting conditions on God’s will for my life? …because it’s safe. because it would be more comfortable for me if friends stayed. if things at school changed. I know, though, that God doesn’t always want me to be comfortable. If He did, then He wouldn’t have brought me to the DR. I would be in North Carolina, living with my bff, teaching, and living the life. BUT He has different plans for me. Awesome plans, but not always comfortable.

God has blessed me with some pretty amazing gifts here. He's blessed me with good friends, beautiful scenery, and amazing students. I know that I’ve struggled with loving my students this year, but I truly believe that the Lord has opened my eyes in a new way how to love them.

I was talking to one of the girls, Christy, the other night. She is Estheisy’s teacher. Estheisy is the little joy in my life that I am blessed to see 5 days a week (when she comes to school…) Daily, Christy said, she prays for Mrs. Reposa (the aide in the classroom), Christy, and me. What an honor to be prayed for by this little girl. Now, here’s what Christy said about Estheisy (via Mrs. Reposa…) Mrs. Reposa and Christy were talking the other day because Estheisy isn’t doing well in school. She lives with her grandma, aunt, cousins, and who knows who else. I don’t understand why she doesn’t live with her parents, both of which live in the United States, but for some reason or another, they have chosen to live without their daughter. Anyways, Christy was frustrated that Estheisy isn’t performing at the level she should be, and it’s sometimes a struggle to see the “reasoning” behind decisions. Why is this little girl being torn away from her parents when that would be the “safest” thing for her. Mrs. Reposa gently reminded Christy who Estheisy prays for daily. Not her mom or dad, but Christy, Mrs. Reposa, and me. Who are the people who make her feel safe? Pretty big responsibility, eh? Showing these small people who Christ is. Showing them Christ’s love. and praying that they will decide to follow Him. I feel, almost, that if I were to leave, I would be abandoning my kids. these students that I’ve poured so much of myself, so much of Christ’s love, into that it would be so hard to leave them.
I feel like maybe God would want me here for a little while longer?
I feel like it may be easier to go home though?

I just pray for wisdom. pray for discernment. pray to listen. pray for clarity. praying for God to use me where He wants me. not where I want to be (because frankly, I'm not exactly sure where that is...).