Why on Earth am I here?

The first week of school is finally over!  It was a trying week, to say the least.  Teaching third grade was a bigger shock than I expected.  After my cry-fest on Monday after school, I had to reevaluate my purposes here.  I basically just had to cry out to God and trust that He would encourage me.  Trust me; I was ready to board a plane back to the States.  BUT I had the promises of God (and the promise of a pan of mint brownies, which were fantastic by the way!) that I was forced to stand on.  It was so hard to see my students from last year, which I love so incredibly deep, going to another classroom with another teacher who will love them deeply.  It was hard to manage the kids in my class, who literally cannot sit in their seats for more than 3 minutes.  They’re way more immature than I had imagined.  We didn’t have any textbooks, so I felt completely unprepared.  I didn’t have enough activities planned.  My heart was just not happy.  I was sad and hurt and weak. 

Then I came home and did my Bible study and read my Bible for awhile and reread my focus verses for the year.  

Hebrews 6:10
God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them.

Proverbs 31:25-26
She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

1 Chronicles 16:24-25
Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples.
For great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; he is to be feared above all gods.

After rereading those, I felt convicted that I am not here for me.  I am here for the students; I’m here to share the gospel with them, to live out the gospel, to show them my strengths and weaknesses, and to love them.  I’m here to grow as a person and to learn confidence and strength that comes from God, not from others.  I know that God will not forget the work that I am doing and I truly love what I am doing.  Even if I’m not used to the kids yet, I know that eventually I will get the hang of it and be able to take it easy and calm down and take my time and be a good teacher and a good student in my grad classes. 

As for my students from last year, I am blessed to be able to spend their “break” time with them, eat lunch with them, hug them, love them, and just talk with them.  It’s so good.  Yesterday when they were walking out of their classroom to go home my heart almost burst with joy as they all walked in and gave me a hug and said goodbye.  There is so much joy in heart.  Not yet feeling like I know what I’m doing or that I have a handle on things, but joy in knowing that God’s promises are real and true and that I will not be given more than I can handle.